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Tuesday, December 07, 2004
im not sure
constantly getting hurt by my own desires n needs
it is only right for me to blame myself for everything that has taken place in the history of my life. lying to myself that he is THE one, the soulmate, isn't going to make the situation any better. being naive ignorant does not solve the confusion.
am i willing to commit myself to a lifelong slavery? i asked myself.
different ppl view marriages in different angles. and that is the only irridiculous angle that i can look at right now.
being only 16 is too early for me to commit myself, make plans, stick to the plan n execute the plan. being 16 is all about making a history in my life. a history of my adolescent that i can brag or cherish abt. i don't want to be 30 and feeling sorry for myself in being a pathetic teenager who wasted her teenage life commiting to only 1 guy throughout her adolescent and never did any exciting stuffs like other kids should have. i don't want that to happen. ever.
i dont want to grow old n die in regret.
only 16, it is very hard to say if this will last. if this is gonna be 'bytes infinitum'. i cannot afford to give my word for something that i, myself is not even sure of. what more, i still find it hard to believe n soak up the fact that i can only date n have sex with only 1(one, ONE, o.n.e, O.N.E, ONE!) man for the rest of my life. to wake up n find him snuggling next to me. to be awoken at the crack of the dawn by his soft snorings or loud snorings. who knows?
which brings me back to my earlier statement. i am not sure. i am not sure if you are the one whom i wanna iron clothes n cook for. i am not sure if you are the object of my obsession at workplace and my source of anxiety each day when work ends knowing dat i'll be home welcomed in your warm arms. i am not sure that im willing to change my name to yours. im not sure if you are capable of fathering my offsprings. im not sure if we would have sweet bickerings on who left the toothpaste uncapped. im not sure if i wanna share this intimate details.
im not sure.. im still not sure...
it is only right for me to blame myself for everything that has taken place in the history of my life. lying to myself that he is THE one, the soulmate, isn't going to make the situation any better. being naive ignorant does not solve the confusion.
am i willing to commit myself to a lifelong slavery? i asked myself.
different ppl view marriages in different angles. and that is the only irridiculous angle that i can look at right now.
being only 16 is too early for me to commit myself, make plans, stick to the plan n execute the plan. being 16 is all about making a history in my life. a history of my adolescent that i can brag or cherish abt. i don't want to be 30 and feeling sorry for myself in being a pathetic teenager who wasted her teenage life commiting to only 1 guy throughout her adolescent and never did any exciting stuffs like other kids should have. i don't want that to happen. ever.
i dont want to grow old n die in regret.
only 16, it is very hard to say if this will last. if this is gonna be 'bytes infinitum'. i cannot afford to give my word for something that i, myself is not even sure of. what more, i still find it hard to believe n soak up the fact that i can only date n have sex with only 1(one, ONE, o.n.e, O.N.E, ONE!) man for the rest of my life. to wake up n find him snuggling next to me. to be awoken at the crack of the dawn by his soft snorings or loud snorings. who knows?
which brings me back to my earlier statement. i am not sure. i am not sure if you are the one whom i wanna iron clothes n cook for. i am not sure if you are the object of my obsession at workplace and my source of anxiety each day when work ends knowing dat i'll be home welcomed in your warm arms. i am not sure that im willing to change my name to yours. im not sure if you are capable of fathering my offsprings. im not sure if we would have sweet bickerings on who left the toothpaste uncapped. im not sure if i wanna share this intimate details.
im not sure.. im still not sure...