Day 10 Of Separation

DAY 10 Of Separation

I actually shut down my computer system, off the fan, shut the lights n went into my room exactly at 12am. Its now 12.54 n still ticking..

Wen i reached my room, i cleared the scattered books on my bed n stacked them nicely on my study table beside the bed. I fluff the pillow, woke up again n shut the lights. I'm actually scared of the dark. My intention of fluffing the pillow before shutting the lights is dat, after the lights is off, i'll straight away jump into bed n doze off. Dat is a routine everyday.

But my eyes juz wont shut.

I called a few of my friends n they're all asleep.

So, i checked the Inbox of my messages n realized that there's 125 messages. So iscrolled down backwards, 1 by 1..

As i run through all the messages that my ex, BOTAK, sent me.. My hert began to ache.. He was all nice.. N loving.. N i treasure that only when he's gone..

There was one message where he said he wud wanna send me food to sch juz bcuz im hungry n recess seems eons more to go.. N den he kept on messaging me if i am ok.. He was worried. Juz because i said "I'm hungry".
Heck, if it was other guys, they wud juz reply back saying "Later recess, eat la.." or "Den wat u wan me to do?" or "Dun eat too much la.. U shud be losing weight." or "Hang on there juz a while more la.." or he wud juz delete it. But he... He wanted to make it a point to cum to sch n sneak me some food at the gate. How sweet is that? Its the thought that counts n makes my heart ache so much rite now.. There's more.. But that was 1 of it..

Why am i so stupid to let him go?
Why did i initiate the break up?
Why cant i juz hang on and juz accept his flaws.. Nobody's perfect..

I let my selfish side take over me...

But there's mane cons then pros in that relationship..
Age diff.
Maternal, paternal woes (His mom, dad, HATES, LOATHES me)
Friends
Lack of understanding (He was too nice too me dat i was suffocating, dat time)
Lack of trust

But when he's gone..
All this seemed minor..

What shud i do?
I tried calling him back on his mobile, but he cut his line.
I hv no means in contacting him accept for the internet. N he seldoms logs in.

What shud i do?
I miss him...
It hurts to walk ard n see all these couples holding hands n laughing n snuggling..
I know dat was how we used to be..

But everything's gone now...
Everything's over n done with..

N as much as it hurts, moving on...

I juz wanna say,

That

He's the best boyfriend any girl wud ever dream of...

Thursday, September 02, 2004 ·